An Unusual Gift

When I was sure no one was looking I tossed the vibrator into a trash can in a quaint little courtyard outside my dentist’s office.

It no longer worked. Not that I ever tried to turn it on. And it’s not like I don’t support vibrators but this particular model was gifted to me years ago by the late Steve Harwell of Smash Mouth (“All Star,” “Walking On The Sun”) after a week or two of collaboration.

I hadn’t opened his Christmas offering until I returned home from our final writing session. I assumed it was a box of chocolates or something. My mouth watered. But my heart filled with disappointment when I tore off the wrapping and realized there would be no cream filled truffles. No salted caramel squares.

In all seriousness I was horrified. Embarrassed.

It was a vibrator. A vibrator/IPod to be more accurate. Maybe Steve thought it was acceptable because of the musical element. Music was the raison d’être for our coming together.

Now, I realize I could have tossed the gadget in my trash can in front of my house but the thought of the trash collectors catching a glimpse of it cascading into the truck and winking at me every Thursday from then on was just too cringy.

So I stuffed it in between 2 folders in my filing cabinet where no one (especially Adam) would find it and ask questions. And I’d have to explain the unexplainable. I forgot all about the ‘gift’ until last week when I was doing some file cabinet housekeeping.

Curiously, I (finally) tried to turn it on but it was dead. Suffered from neglect? Needed new batteries? Who knows. I didn’t want to find out and I’ve been purging lately — getting rid of stuff. You know - Marie Kondo style. It didn’t spark joy. So I put it in a brown paper bag, tossed it in the trunk of my car and waited for a clandestine trashcan-opportunity. In hindsight, I probably should’ve put it in recycling. 😳

Steve Harwell was harmless. Just completely inappropriate when it came to co-writer appreciation. It was no secret that he struggled with alcoholism and mental health challenges after the death of his 6 month old son. That’s not an excuse. But I’d go a little crazy too if I lost a child.

Sadly he passed away in 2023. He was a blast to write with. Never a dull moment. Uncontrollably flirty, yes. Yet Tender. And tasty with words and melody. One does not want to write with ‘boring.’ You write with boring you get a boring song.

I’ve been in the room with worse: pop stars with nauseatingly audacious egos and “songwriters” who can’t write. Or ones who spend the day on the sofa Googling themselves. I’d rather work with an outrageous colorful human and get the vibrator. I chalk it up to another chapter of my bizarre yet delightful songwriting journey.

I hope you get all the wonderful (and appropriate) gifts you’ve been dreaming about this holiday season.

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Sending you love and light this Kwanzaa

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Here’s a song Steve and I wrote with Mike Krompass

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