To Lighten Your Heart

3 short stories from the 24th week of Covid 

#1 Dinner

My friend Lisa & I ventured out for a meal last night...first time in months for me. The restaurant had moved all dining to a large patch of grass outside...about 25 tables situated 6 feet apart. We were so immersed in conversation we didn’t notice waiters carting away tables and chairs as people finished their meal. By the time we picked our heads up we realized we were the only ones left on the grassy knoll. I think they might have closed up and were kind enough to…just leave us there and enjoy each others’ company. 😁 

#2 The Sofa

It’s nice right?

Adam and I spied a sofa at the foot of a neighbor’s driveway when we when out for a walk. It had a sign on it that said “Take me, I’m free.” It was attractive and in perfect condition. Adam had been meaning to order a sitting-situation for his studio from Wayfair or West Elm but he hadn’t gotten to it. We looked at each other and thought…why not this? We lifted it up from either side and carried it across the street to our house. After much schlepping, maneuvering through thresholds and removing legs we put it in it’s designated place and it looked lovely. Mission accomplished. Then we went for our walk. 

The next day I noticed our kitty Nimbus left something rather stanky in his litter box. The smell didn’t go away after we cleaned it. Odd. I went into Adam’s studio to get a capo and noticed the same stanky smell in there. OMG. It wasn’t Nimbus. (I felt bad about blaming Nimbus and I told him so.) Something must have died inside the walls. But Adam swore it had to be the sofa. No way! We put our nose to the upholstery. No oder at all. But sure enough when we removed it from the room, the stanky desisted. So, there must have been something festering deep inside the sofa that our neighbor neglected to disclose on the sign that said “Take Me.”

Nothing is free! 

Now, we had to get it out of our house. We thought of putting it right back where it came from — at the foot of our neighbor’s driveway. Very Larry David of us. That would have him scratching his head. One thing was for sure — we didn’t want put it at the foot of our driveway as whoever took it next would think poorly of us. So we waited til no one was looking or walking by, hobbled it back across the street and left it on the corner. With no sign. It was gone within an hour. 😳Hopefully we weren’t caught on a security camera, although after this blog, the word is out!  

#3 The Biker

I was driving slowly behind a biker on Mulholland Drive who was riding right in the middle of the road! Lucky for him I wasn’t in a rush. In fact I was in a great mood because my album was released that very afternoon and I was on my way to pick up some sushi to celebrate. But then I noticed there was a car behind me…and another car behind them. So I decided that as soon as the cyclist moved a little to the right I would accelerate and pass him. Carefully.

As I waited for the light to turn green so I could make a left of Laurel Canyon, the biker pulled up along side of my car and tapped on the passenger window. I rolled it down. ”Say you’re sorry, ” he said. For what, I thought. For not hitting you? (I would never put a biker’s safety in danger. Although they can be a nuisance when they ride in the middle of the road!) He said, “You’re not the only one who wants to get home to their family.” And then he proceeded to slam his fist over and over again on my sideview mirror. So, I asked him if he treats his family that way. (My album release euphoria was rapidly fading.) 

This made him angry. He situated his bike perpendicular to the front of my car (pictured above) so I couldn’t go anywhere. Really? I rolled down my window and I said, “Dude believe me, I am not your enemy.” He said, “Then say you’re sorry.” And you know what? I might have said I was sorry had he not tried to dislodge my mirror but, HE TRIED TO DISLODGE MY MIRROR! So I said, “Well now you’re being a dick.” This made him even angrier so he took a picture of my license plate. So I took a picture of him. How old are we? 

He waved other drivers on. (I had to assume no one was getting out to help because of COVID!) I just wanted to peacefully remove myself from the scene. There was nobody behind me so I slowly reversed — I’d fake him out…get some distance and swiftly turn right on Laurel Canyon. But you know what the dick did? He advanced his bike as my car moved backwards. I was being held hostage by the biker! See below. 

People are going around us!

So I picked up the phone and called Adam who was probably getting hungry and said, “Honey you need to come rescue me. Just pull up behind my car but please don’t say you’re my husband…just tell him to get out of the way! And put on your meanest face,” which is really hard for Adam cuz he’s the sweetest guy in the world. But the dude must’ve thought I was calling the cops (which I would have done if not for the police having a lot on their plate right now) because…he took off. 

I made my left as originally planned and headed for the sushi place, welcoming back the good feels about my album release.

Thankfully my sideview mirror was intact and fully functioning.

My girlfriends thought the biker looked like an actor and they tried Googling his image. We came up with a couple of possibilities but what am I going to do? Post his picture? Shame him?

Life’s too short. 

Plus, I did sorta post his picture.

Have a wonderful week.

Here's my album 😬

Thanks for reading, my friends. For more fun stories about how my songs came to be get a copy of “Confessions of a Serial Songwriter.” If you'd like to receive my blog via email, please click here. Follow me on Twitter and Insta. Visit my Serial Songwriter Facebook Page. Stay Safe! ☮️