Grown-up Making a Video

There’s a reason why I never mention my exact age. Why is age relevant? In fact when I find I must inquire as to the length of time someone has been on this earth (like if I’m booking travel) I ask “what is your age?” Because in asking how ‘old or young’ someone is we’re implying that they are old or young…in thought or of heart. But we all know we truly are the age we feel we are. 

I was so much older then I’m younger than that now.

All that said filming a video in the second half of ones personal century can be insecurity-filled or thoroughly self-empowering. For me it was both. 

In the week preceding the shoot when I was thinking about what to wear I recalled that most of the divas on the GRAMMYs (and on the cover of Rolling Stone) were in garter belts and leather bras. Hmm. That ain’t gonna work for a woman of a certain age or for a woman who finds it objectifying in an era where we’re asking NOT TO BE objectified. Yes, we can wear whatever the f*ck we want…but isn’t it a bit counter-productive? But I digress.

Someone suggested “flowery” because “What A Girl Wants” is a rather cheerful jam. But my closet doesn’t house anything flowery. So I ventured over to Iguana, a local vintage shop with racks of stripes and paisleys and…”flowery.” But what caught my eye was…a man’s vest —  the kind that Chrissie Hynde wears. That I can do. Plus I liked the price. $15. Ring me up.

Day of shoot I had my make-up did. (That’s what the kids say.) After the “artist” worked her magic I beelined for the ladies room (you know the drill) to view the transformation in private. Ugh. Foundation makes my skin look so dry. But I get it. Stepping back I could still see the outline of my features. I guess that’s what getting your makeup did is for. 

Then off to get the hair did. I skipped Drybar this time. Wanna know why? Because they always seat me directly in front of a TV screen where I’m forced to watch back-to-back romcoms. I resent this because I’d rather be in front of a mirror so I can see what they’re doing to my hair! EDM chart toppers are in constant rotation from the very yellow speakers. How does one relax with all this stimulation? Where is John Mayer or Coffee House Radio when you need him/it?

That’s why.

Then I headed over to director Clayton McCracken’s place whose work I stumbled upon on IG — thankfully he works locally — in Silver Lake. Kristin, my partner-in-crime, was already there to receive me, reassure me, hold my hand,  Because…

….when the camera started rolling my thought bubble was….

I wish Clayton would hold the camera higher. Not come any closer. Does he have another ring-light somewhere? Shit I forgot to get a face lift! What about my arms? He’s so young. How could he possibly understand. He’s gonna think so I’m vain if I say anything. I AM vain. F*ck, I’m gonna say something. I feel foolish stand-dancing and guitar synching. I don’t have moves. I never really had moves. Should I try to be sexy? Where’s my garter belt?

There you go.

But I breathe deeply — I remember why I’m doing this. And that is the self-empowering part of the story:

Deep down I do not see my (undisclosed) age as an handicap but as an advantage. I’ve experienced life more fully and I’m more comfortable living it than ever before. I’m even more comfortable in my own collagen-starved skin. Self-expression and the desire to make and share your art doesn’t change just because you’re in the second half of your century. 

I feel very good about the vest. My body is unencumbered of excess material. I do feel sexy but not inappropriate. I will wear it often.

In front of the camera I am able to pull myself together and put negative thoughts aside. I don’t  take myself too seriously. I’m not trying to be younger or rock-star or Glam…it’s just me having some fun with a song that’s become an indelible part of my professional identity.

It was a really really good day.

Here’s the video

Kristin Juel, Shelly P, Clayton McCracken

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